Me Before You - Life Worth Living
by adams0165
Summary: This summer, while reading Me Before You, listening to the soundtrack and watching the movie, I attended three funerals in three months. Losing loved ones aged 19 to 57 was devastating. Their deaths haunt me. I want to rewrite their endings so they can live. But I can't. I have the utmost respect for Jojo Moyes, her novel, and her ending. But I needed someone to live.
1. Chapter 1

**Setting: Mauritius – 4 weeks before the Dignitas appointment. Will has just told Clark she can sleep in his bed with him on the stormy night.**

 **Chapter One**

 **Louisa**

I didn't intend to seduce him. I'd never been a casual shagger and as deep as my feelings were for Will, we had never even kissed. But with the storm raging, the waves crashing and the intimacy of the moment, I raised up on one elbow and looked at his beautiful face.

When a person is unable to move, their signals are different. I had learned to read so many of Will's but this was new. He looked in my eyes. It was intense. His gaze shifted down to my lips and I took that as my cue. I brought my lips to his. I hadn't kissed anyone except Patrick in over seven years. I didn't want to compare but geez-us. Will's lips were full and soft and his tongue! I don't even know where to begin.

He peppered my face with butterfly kisses. I moved my lips to his ear. The sharp intake of his breath stopped me.

"What did I do?" I asked.

"Nothing. When so much of a person's body can't feel anything, the nerve endings where they can feel take on a heightened sensitivity. Nobody has kissed my ear in two years. It's very…erotic."

I smiled. I could work with erotic. His neck was equally sensitive and I nibbled my way across it to his other ear. His breathing became heavy and our next kiss was filled with so much passion I wasn't sure if the crashing noise came from the thunder or me.

"Take off your shirt, Clark," he commanded. I did. I had to give him credit for knowing how to use his mouth when he couldn't use his hands. I had never experienced this level of sensuality. Perhaps being limited in what we could do made it that much more exciting. I didn't spend too much time thinking about, but just enjoyed it.

When I shifted my leg over his body I felt something unexpected.

"Um, Will?"

"Yes, Clark?"

"You're, um, you have a bit of a, um, well…"

"Spit it out, Clark."

"I believe you are aroused?"

Will's eyebrows flew up.

"What?"

"Oh, don't make me repeat it. I didn't think it was even possible," I said.

"Nor did I. I guess anything is possible even when quite improbable," Will said, a sly smile on his lips. "And what should we do about this situation?"

"It would be a shame to let it go to waste," I said, choosing to live boldly.

"Agreed."

It took some logistics which I didn't mind handling. I'd become very familiar with Will's body and had taken care of his various needs. We were no longer embarrassed by it.

I'd never noticed how a man's eyes can reach into your soul, but Will had few ways to express his emotions. I don't know how, but he knew the second he was inside me. He groaned. It was a noise I'd never heard him make before.

"Am I hurting you, Will?"

"No." It came out as a whisper.

"Can you feel it?"

"I can sense it." He closed his eyes.

"In a good way?"

"Oh yes, Clark. In a very good way."

Afterward, I lay cuddled up against his body. His thumb ran lazy circles on my hand.

"You continue to surprise me," he said.

I smiled against his chest. With the sound of the ocean, and the storm moving out to sea, we fell into a peaceful sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**The story picks up after the trip. Lou is dismayed that even after their night together, Will is keeping his appointment at Dignitas. They've been back home for three weeks and he's due to leave the following week. They have not seen each other nor spoken since their return.**

 **Chapter Two**

 **Nathan**

It was hard to watch Will sink into depression. Lou had given him a reason to smile. Now, he didn't smile at all. He had one week left, and his resolution was as strong as I'd ever seen it.

When Mr. Traynor stopped by the annex, I didn't think anything of it. He popped in often.

"Will, Nathan, I think you should know that Louisa Clark is in the hospital."

Will's head snapped to attention.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. Bernard said she fainted. She hasn't been well the last few weeks. He didn't come out and say it but he intimated it was due to Switzerland."

Will said nothing. I'd had enough.

"Mate, I'm going to see her. You're welcome to come," I told him.

He still said nothing. Just stared out the window.

"Fine, I'm leaving," I said, and I heard the familiar whir of his chair as he spun around.

"I'll go."

In the waiting room, we saw a gorgeous dark haired woman who looked to be in her early twenties. She was pacing.

"Ka-pow," I said under my breath.

She looked up, spotting Will. "Are you the infamous Will Traynor?"

"And you are?" Will asked.

"Treena Clark." She came over to us.

"I'm Nathan," I said, shaking her hand.

"Yes, Lou has mentioned you."

"How is she?" Will asked.

"So now you care?"

I admired her gumption. Will raised his eyebrows, not taking the bait.

"I'm not sure. They've run some blood tests and took her down for a sonogram."

"Sonogram? For what?" Will asked.

"I don't know. Lou worries she has a stomach tumor or something. I think she has an ulcer from dealing with the likes of you."

Will looked away. A gurney was rolled past and Treena said, "There she is now."

The three of them followed her to Lou's room.

"What are you doing here?" Lou asked, looking directly at Will.

"Your dad told my dad," Will said.

"Well, we all know how much you cherish life so I'm sure you're concerned," Lou said.

"I absolutely cherish the life of a young, able bodied person like yourself. I'm worried about you."

"Well, don't be."

The doctor came into the room, ending any further discussion.

"Ms. Clark, may we have a minute to talk about your test results?"

"You can tell me in front of them. They know what I'm going through," Lou said.

"Oh, well, then everyone will want to join in congratulating you," the doctor said.

"On what?" Lou asked.

"You're going to be a mum."

I thought Lou was going to faint. Treena looked shocked. Will appeared angry.

"Congratulations. I'm sure Running Man will be thrilled," his voice dripped with sarcasm.

Will turned his chair around, prepared to leave.

"But I can't be. I had my period five or six weeks ago. And Patrick and I haven't been together in two months."

"Yes, well, you're only three weeks pregnant," the doctor said.

Will's chair stopped, then turned.

"What?" Four voices said simultaneously.

"That's why we did the sonogram. The pregnancy is very early. All the more reason you should start eating better, drinking more fluids, and taking care of yourself," the doctor continued.

"But we were in Mauritius three weeks ago," I said, looking at Will. He had an odd expression on his face. It was somewhere between disbelief and pride. "Will?"

"Apparently, Nathan, not all of me is paralyzed from the chest down," he said.

Treena busted out laughing.

"Oh. Are you the proud father?" The doctor asked.

"I don't know. I was led to believe that men with spinal cord injuries had, how shall I say it, very slow swimmers who weren't strong enough to penetrate an egg. I believe that was the quote given to me," Will said.

"I don't know a lot about SCI. Not my specialty. But I do know something about pregnancy. And where there's sex, pregnancy is possible. I've seen men with slow sperm who were told they'd never get anyone pregnant have twins. I've seen post-menopausal women who were told they had no eggs left get pregnant. Apparently, you had a strong swimmer. I can tell you this. No doctor should ever tell you something is impossible. Improbable? Yes. But rarely is anything impossible."

"So you're saying I had the Michael Phelps of sperm?"

"You had at least one determined one," the doctor laughed, putting his hand on Will's shoulder. "Louisa, I will write you an order for prenatal vitamins. You'll need to make an appointment in the next week with your OBGYN."

Lou nodded her head. She looked shell shocked.

"Is there any chance the timeframe could be wrong?" Will asked.

"It's possible to be off by a week or two," the doctor said.

"How about five or six weeks off?" Will asked, looking at Lou who refused to make eye contact.

"This baby is not eight or nine weeks along. That I can assure you. I'll leave you to it."

Silence filled the room. Nobody knew what to say. We didn't even know who to look at. I searched for words but they wouldn't come. It was Treena who broke the ice.

"Should we sing the British Anthem for your gold medal swimmer?" she asked Will.

I stifled a laugh. I liked her.

"I need to go home," Lou said.

"You'll come to the annex," Will told her.

"No. I want to go home."

"You will come to the annex," Will repeated.

"Maybe we should give them a moment," I said, and Treena followed me out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Louisa**

"Now you want me?" I asked.

"I always wanted you, Clark. It was never about not wanting you. But if you're not going to take care of yourself and this baby, I need you where I can watch you."

"For the one week you have left," I challenged.

"Come to the annex, Clark. Please."

"I need to get dressed." Will took the cue and turned his chair around. It's not like he'd never seen me naked, but I didn't want him staring at me just then. I slid off the bed and, holding my gown secure around my backside, opened the door to let him leave. I quickly threw my clothes on, trying to decide what to do. I grabbed my purse and walked out to find the three of them holding a conference.

"Well?" Treena asked.

"I need to go home and pack a bag."

"It's settled then. Nathan can come get you in two hours," Will said.

"Is he always this demanding?" Treena asked.

"He can be," Nathan and I said in unison.

Will turned his chair around and headed toward the door. Nathan came over and gave me a peck on the cheek. "Congratulations, Lou."

"Thank you, Nathan."

He looked at Treena and she gave him a winning smile. She even twirled her hair.

"Nice to meet you," Nathan said.

"Yes, you too. Maybe see you again sometime?"

"I'd like that." He followed Will out the door.

"Treena Clark, you're flirting!"

"Louisa Clark, you're up the duff."

"Mum and dad will be heartbroken," I said.

"Yup."

"Let's not tell them quite yet," I begged.

"It's your baby, so your decision. Do you think this will change his mind?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know."

The sit down with Will's parents was quite uncomfortable. They were surprised to see me in the annex and when Will asked them to meet us in their dining room, they looked at each other as if one of them should know what was happening.

Will didn't pull any punches and got straight to the point.

"Louisa is pregnant."

Mrs. Traynor gasped. Her hand flew to her mouth.

"I guess congratulations are in order, Louisa," Mr. Traynor said, always the gentleman.

Mrs. Traynor composed herself, as her kind always does. "Yes, right. The former boyfriend, I assume? And your parents kicked you out? Well, you can stay as long as Will is here."

"It's not the former boyfriend, Mother. It happened on our holiday," Will said.

Mrs. Traynor turned on me with a vengeance. "You little tart. While my son is lying in a bed, you chose to galavant around? A cabana boy? Oh my, it's not Nathan is it? Are you looking for some kind of workmen's comp since it happened on the job?"

My eyes darted from one person to another. I felt faint.

"No mother, it is not Nathan nor is it a cabana boy."

"Then I don't understand."

"It's mine, Mother."

"What?" Her hand now flew to her throat.

"Yours? I didn't think that was possible," Mr. Traynor said.

"Apparently, it is," Will said and a smirk appeared on his face.

"How did this happen?" Mrs. Traynor asked.

Will raised his eyebrows. "Has it been that long, Mother? You need me to explain it?"

"Will," I cautioned, and shook my head. He was goading her and I didn't think it was appropriate given the shock she was under.

"Louisa will be staying with me. I'd like to confirm the timing of the pregnancy although the doctor assured me it was accurate."

"And what about next week?" Mrs. Traynor asked.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? You're going to be a father and you might still go through with it?"

I was thinking the same thing.

"I can't hold a child, feed a child, change a nappy or throw a ball. I don't even have a job. What kind of father will I be?"

"It takes a lot more than that to be a father, Will. It takes loving them, communication, talking to a child, and teaching them. Anyone can change a nappy or throw a ball. Only a dad can lead a child through life," Mr. Traynor said. I started to cry.

Will turned his chair around. "We'll be in the annex." I got up and followed him.

We never discussed Dignitas. The week came and went, and Will stayed. A month later, the doctors confirmed that the baby was indeed conceived that night on holiday. They asked permission to write it up for a medical journal as it was that rare. Will didn't care as long as they left his name out of it.

I wanted to wait until I was three months along before telling my parents. Mum would never approve, even though Treena had done it, too. Mum simply thought Will had changed his mind, decided I was worth living for, and we were now a couple.

"Do you want me to go with you when you tell them?" Will asked one day, as we were strolling through the castle grounds.

"If you want to. Mum will be very disappointed in me. She loves Thomas but not the fact that my sister got pregnant without a husband. And now I've gone and done it."

"Yes, but she likes me."

"That's why I need you there," I said.

"Okay." He gave me his winning smile, the one that told me everything would be okay.

"There will have to be a wedding. Before the baby gets here. I insist," Mum said.

"Mum."

"No. You have a responsibility to this child."

"Josie, dear," Dad said.

"Do not Josie dear me, Bernard. We may not be wealthy people, but we can be proper."

"I hear you, Josie. Louisa and I will take that into immediate consideration." Will said it kindly, but in a tone that stated the subject was closed for now.

"I believe congratulations are in order. I'm delighted for both of you," Dad said. He came around the table and kissed me on the cheek.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Yes, every baby is worth celebrating. A gift from God," Mum said.

"I can't argue that with this one," Will said.

Later that night, after we'd finished his nightly routine and were tucked in bed, Will looked at me.

"I don't know that I'm ready for marriage, Clark."

I didn't want him to know how much that hurt.

"I don't know that I am either." It wasn't true, but I had my pride.

"It's not for the reasons you might be thinking. I don't feel worthy of being a dad or a husband. My savings account is dwindling and soon I'll be living off my parents. I feel like a big fraud right now. I need time, Clark."

"I'm not asking you to marry me, Will. I didn't even ask to move in here. You insisted."

"I want you here."

He'd never said he loved me. Maybe he didn't feel worthy of that either. Or maybe he didn't feel I was worthy. None of that mattered right now. All that mattered was our baby, and the fact that Will was still alive.

I'd been out shopping with Treena. At five months pregnant, I could no longer fit any clothes. She helped me pick out the most stylish options for a woman of my growing girth. We came back in the annex, talking loudly, and ran into Nathan who put a finger to his lips.

"Will's on a pretty important phone call," he said, before adding. "G'day Treena."

"G'day," she answered, giggling. I'd never heard Treena say g'day in her life.

I could hear Will since he couldn't hold a phone and always used the speaker. I walked away from Treena and Nathan and stood just outside his door.

"You want me to do what, Freddie?"

I visualized my brief meeting with Freddie at Alicia's wedding. Will said he was a nice guy.

"Will, we need you. We are about to lose the biggest deal this company has ever had. The client thinks Rupert is an arse."

"Rupert _is_ an arse," Will said.

"They will only work with you, Will."

"But I'm no longer employed by the company," Will argued.

"We will bring you on as a consultant and you'll get a percentage of the deal. It's going to be a big one. This check alone could keep you going for years. Please. We need you."

I held my breath. One of Will's biggest concerns was not having a job and being able to provide for a family. If he could work as a consultant, it would be a huge step for him.

"Okay. I'll do it. Email me all the files you have and I'll review them. Let's set up a call for Monday."

"I'll reinstate your email to our private server. Thank you, Will. It'll be good to have you back," Freddie said, the excitement evident in his voice.

"I don't know that I'm back, but I'll take a look at it."

"I'll be in touch," Freddie said. The call disconnected and I walked in. Will turned his chair in my direction.

"How much did you hear?" Will asked.

"Enough."

"Don't read too much into it."

"Don't read too much into you getting a big payoff for a deal that apparently only you can broker?"

"Well, if you're going to put it like that." He made that clicking noise he sometimes makes. I smiled and gave him a big kiss. Right then, Treena and Nathan walked in.

"Hey, now. We don't need to be seeing that," Treena said.

"Are you celebrating?" Nathan asked.

"We are! Come celebrate with us," I said.

"We are not celebrating," Will argued.

"I say we order takeaway and watch a movie. Nathan, can you stay?" I asked.

Treena looked up at him with her doe eyes. I knew he'd never say no.

"Yea. I can stay."

Will winked at me and, with his head, motioned for me to come close.

"Match maker," he whispered.

Will not only took that assignment and solidified the deal, but he was offered and accepted two more. When I found out how many millions the deal was worth, and what his percentage would equal, I nearly choked on my tea.

"That's more money that I would make in a lifetime."

"It'll be enough to put that little one you're having through university. That's for sure."

"Through ten universities!"

Lying in bed that night, the baby moved. It was becoming quite the little kicker. I hated that Will couldn't but his hand on my belly and feel it. I wanted to find a way to make that possible.

"She's kicking," I said.

"She?"

"He, she. I don't like saying _it_."

"What's it feel like, Clark."

I pulled myself up until I was sitting right beside Will's face.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

I put my belly right up to his cheek.

"Just wait for it," I said. I silently begged our baby to move. We waited, and waited. I was just about to move away when I felt it.

"Did you feel that, Will?"

He was quiet. I looked down and saw a tear. He spoke so low I almost didn't hear him. "Yes."

The baby moved around and kicked a few more times before settling into place. I scooted back down to lay beside Will.

"Thank you, Clark."

Treena now visited me in the annex often. I suspected it was so she could see Nathan but I didn't let that put me off. I liked having her around. She never shied away from asking the hard questions.

"Does it ever bother you that you weren't enough to make him want to live?" Treena asked.

"I've thought about that a lot. And the honest answer is no. Mr. Traynor once told me that Will needed to feel like a man. At the time, even with me expressing my feelings for him, he didn't see himself that way. He compared his old life to this life. And saw no comparison. He was acting like his brain was paralyzed. Like he couldn't work any longer and needed to be replaced. But he's proved he can. He's contracted some of the biggest deals the company has ever had. And he's going to be a dad, something he thought was impossible. Will spent his entire life doing extreme things, having people wonder how he could accomplish what other people couldn't. Fathering a child is now one of those things. And he can't very well compare sky diving to being a dad. It's so much more than a sport or activity. And he didn't think he had enough to offer me. But he's given me a child and security. He feels like a man, Treena. So, no. It doesn't bother me. He wouldn't be the man he is if he hadn't needed more."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

 **Louisa**

Exactly forty weeks after our holiday on the beach, I went into labor. Nathan and Will rushed me to the hospital. The Traynor's followed behind. Treena and Thomas met us there. My parents were on their way.

I wanted Treena with me in the delivery room but she had Thomas to look after. She looked at the Traynor's as if to ask whether they'd keep an eye on him but they both turned away and got very interested in posters on the waiting room wall. I briefly wondered if Will and his sister had been raised by nanny's.

"I'll watch him," Nathan said. "I like kids."

"Thank you, Nathan." Treena reached up and placed a kiss on Nathan's cheek. He blushed. If I hadn't been in so much pain, I'd have appreciated the moment.

I didn't handle labor gracefully. I screamed, sweated and begged for mercy.

"You did this to me, Will Traynor!" I yelled as I was being told to push yet again.

"What? If I remember, you were quite the willing party," he chuckled, raising his eyebrows up and down.

He stayed by my side the entire time, making me laugh, and saying encouraging things.

"Remember when you didn't want to go scuba diving? You didn't think you could do it, but I knew you could."

"This is hardly a snorkel," I yelled through heavy panting.

"No, but you can do anything. And you can do this."

Treena wiped my brow and offered advice.

"It won't last much longer and you'll have your precious baby to hold."

"Were you in this much pain?" I asked her.

"Yes, and I didn't have a handsome man supporting me."

When the final push came, I felt relief as the baby slid out of me.

"It's a girl. Would the father like to witness the cutting of the umbilical cord?" the doctor asked.

Will moved his chair to the end of the bed. His face held a look of wonder as he watched them detach his daughter from my body, clean her up and wrap her in a blanket. The nurse placed the baby on his lap, making sure to keep one hand on her so she wouldn't fall.

"Put her up to my face, please," he said. The nurse lifted her to his face. He rubbed his cheek against her and kissed the top of her head. "She's beautiful. Just like her mother."

I held my arms out. I wanted to touch our baby. Will nodded and the nurse brought her to me.

"Oh, Will. She is the best of both of us."

"Yes, she is."

"Have you chosen a name?" Treena asked.

"Maura," Will said.

"After the island she was conceived on," I added.

"Ah, the trip you took hoping to save Will's life," Treena said.

"I'm not sure her plan included this," Will said.

"But it worked," I said.

"I'm going to go tell the others," Treena said, leaving the room.

Will and I were alone with our daughter.

"Before you, I'd have never imagined being a dad or a husband, which by the way, I plan on being very shortly, as soon as you're ready. I wouldn't have dreamed I'd be back at work, brokering multi-million dollar deals. I wouldn't have thought I'd be so in love with the quirky girl who wears the crazy clothes, likes stripy legs, and whose every expression shows what she is feeling."

"I told you before, Will Traynor. I'm a whole different person because of you. I don't even remember me before you."

He never mentioned Dignitas again.


End file.
